P:C - Breaking the Heart of Stone

My story begins about four years ago, actually. It’s not so much about how I reached out, but how God reached out to me.

I went on a nine-month mission trip right after I graduated from high school. Things I experienced there in the Middle East and also in Sri Lanka following the 2004 tsunami and also some personal stuff that happened in my life made me gradually harden my heart. My gift is giving mercy, but I didn’t realize then that to suffer with others, to have compassion and mercy on them, to feel for them the slightest bit of what God feels for them may actually bring my heart to pain. Seeing what I did, hearing the stories of the tsunami survivors, realizing that being middle-class in America means being rich to the rest of the world, and later being abandoned by someone who was supposed to watch out for me… this made me want to stop following, to stop loving. So I did.

It wasn’t until last year that I started to forgive myself, “forgive” God (Although He did nothing wrong.) for what I thought He did that was bad (I held Him accountable for what happened with the tsunami, and that was silly and wrong.), and to forgive others.

But I didn’t feel; my heart wasn’t awake until this past week. There were times when it would wake up for a moment, but not until this week has it been awake day in and day out. I can’t express here what that means really. My heart is His again! I love again. I’m not afraid of people anymore like I used to be. I am learning to love, to trust… I don’t know how to say what I want to say.

I can feel again: cry again, really laugh again, love – God has really filled my heart with love again. Thank God!

I’m sorry this is long – I’m not the best writer.

But God has taken my heart of stone and has given me a heart of flesh. I pray I have the wisdom to use this wonderful, beautiful gift for His glory this time.

I want you to know, my heart is what was in my hand, and it is His now. My education is what was in my hand, but it is His now. My debts – school loans – were in my hands and Heaven only knows why God wants them, but they are His now. (Does God really ask for that stuff? I like my God!)

I think that is kind of what I felt I needed to say. It’s the truth. God has done everything for me and me nothing for Him. How is it then that He loves me more than I love Him?

P:C - The Ministry of Presence

My story doesn’t currently have an ending to it, just a beginning and part of a middle. The people that I have sat and talked to, mostly at First Supper, are a group of homeless/jobless men. It all started with Claude and a Frisbee. We didn’t talk about God, but we laughed and enjoyed the time together. The next night he invited me to sit with him. I thought that was my job. So for the last several nights I’ve tried to practice the ministry of presence with these men. I’ve sat and eaten with them, tried to figure out (and finally succeeded!) how to put a Rubik cube together that one of them proudly brings each night, and talked about music and photography with them. It’s been a joy to share life and community with them. I hope that through my presence they’ve seen God in me. I hope and pray they’ll continue to seek community.

P:C - An Acquaintance through the Trash Pile

This week I was touched by the German woman who thought that what we were doing by picking up trash was such a great thing that she felt compelled to do it with us. When we first started these “projects” I wasn’t sure how they would help us reach out to the people of Mainz. However, throughout the week I realized that even if only one person noticed our efforts and but brought to Christ through that, it was worth it.

P:C - Curiosity Killed the Caution

This week as part of the trash group, we went to a car wash to clean the area. Four of us stayed in front, picking up the trash in the area near the road. Most customers cleaning their car would go about their business, but if we looked up, we would see the curious stares as they probably wondered who in the world would come just to pick up trash for free. Some people stopped and asked who we were with and why we were taking part. WE didn’t necessarily do anything. BUT, just by being there, being present, people we curious. One of the workers came up to us and was so thankful that he just wanted to give us ice cream. He told us he had planned on cleaning it the next day. We worked not expecting a thing in return, but apparently God used us as His presence and made people curious so that we could invite them to something bigger that could change their lives.

P:C - Mission Mentality in Everyday Life

The place where I saw God working this week was in the interactions of my group. We came here prepared to have a good attitude, to help out, and to really get to know each other. These things we did and did them so well that I wonder what would happen at Trevecca if only this group of nine people went back and lived there as we have here. We would bring heaven to earth. The things we emphasize when we prepare people to go on mission trips are an appropriate attitude for every day we follow Jesus. I have been surprised at how many times people have opened up their hearts, shut off their worldly view, and talked to people that they never would have interacted with in real life. Not only that, but they showed love to these people.

O God, that you would transform me so that I would see that in my own heart and my own life every day.

P:C - A Midnight Prayer

This week has been something truly miraculous. God has done such amazing work. I don’t know where to begin. God has done such a work in my own life. My prayer life has never been strong. The first few nights I was really struggling to pray for the people, the city, the service, and so on. However, one night in my bed, God really spoke to me, and I felt a relentless urge to pray for Peter from the forest. I had no idea why, but I responded and prayed for a couple hours for him alone. I woke up refreshed and ready to take on my last day in the forest. As we were finishing our work, Peter told us that he was going to come to the tent and asked us to look for him. We arrived, and, although there was a significant language barrier, we had a great conversation with him. He told us he would be back the next night. Never before had I seen God reveal his purpose to me so quickly. Never before had I witnessed the power of faith-filled prayer so clearly. God be praised! This will forever impact my prayer life. God can still work in wonderful ways. The seed has been planted. The best, though, is yet to come.

P:C - God's Perfect Timing

I have been preparing my heart for this time for about three months or so, but really my heart was ignited the first time I simply heard about First Supper from Hans speaking at my church. The Lord has tested me in every way: my willingness to obey, whether I was going to trust my heart (which I’ve found is deceptive above all things) or if I would give the pen over to Him so he could write my love letter for me. My comfort was tested by having to deliver the fliers and speak German to people over the apartment intercoms. The lord has tested me so much and He has proven over and over that He is faithful! He is true! He is good! He does not change! You all have encouraged me, and I have realized through Project: Camp that God wants me, believes I’m precious, wants me to trust Him, and that He will always be my perfect guide and friend.

One day I was walking and simply felt lead to touch an older lady’s arm as she was looking over her shopping list. She seemed so concentrated. I touched her arm and said “hallo,” and her face lit up. Then she started walking around.

I tested whether simply being present somewhere, if Jesus would be present. On Saturday I wasn’t feeling too good, so I decided to stay at the hostel. I took a nap, rested, and then decided to simply walk and pray around the park. I smiled, made eye-contact, simply said hello to people. I was by myself, but I knew at the moment God would protect me. I kept walking, and I said hello to a man. He just stared at me and started talking in German. I said, “No Deutch,” and he said, “Oh! You’re not German,” and I said, “No, I’m from the U.S.” Eventually I was able to invite him to First Supper, but I had no flier to give him. Then Immanuel from Rwanda came up and told me he was looking for Drew. That made me feel good, because then I wasn’t alone with this man I didn’t know. Then Drew showed up in a car, and he happened to have a flier. God showed up in His perfect timing.